drugstore rules for the 21st century

let me open with this caveat... one of my little vices is my INTENSE love of the real world/road rules challenges on MTV. i know that i shouldn’t watch the debacle and desecration that is a dozen or so 20 year old strangers with NONEXISTANT to BARELY THERE moral compulsions, discipline,  or self control all put together in one really expensive and well decorated house and then made to compete with each other for obscene amounts of money (that when they win they use for noble purposes like say... breast enhancement surgery) in between their binge drinking and hooking up and fighting and screaming at each other and lounging in the hot tub (where do they find the time to get all of these activities in one TV show?). you know, a gal has to have something to watch when she fold laundry...

and a gal shouldn’t type such a long run on sentence in an opening paragraph... but i did.

sooooo, where does this lead me, you ask? it leads me into walgreens last night to pick up a prescription and as i am leaving walgreens, i hear a VERY familiar voice to my left and so naturally i look to my left to see who i know in walgreens because gosh darn it, i am a friendly person. is that a crime? no, it is not....

anyhoo, i look over to my right at the voice i know and i see two 20ish year old guys standing there and i recognize one of them as someone i know, not only the voice but his face.

now naturally i assume (and we all know what happens when we assume anything) that this guy has been in our sunday school class (adam and i have taught a college sunday school class for 7 years thus ensuring that there are hundreds of former students wandering around in the world and perhaps frequenting walgreens on a monday night)- how else would i know a 20ish guy?

now this guy who i know has looked up at me and seen this 40 year old woman staring at him and he gives me a smile too and says “hi”. this means (to me) that he recognizes me and must have been a former student and i am frantically probing what is left of my mind to remember his name.

during this frantic probing of my mind, the other part of my brain responsible for visual image interpretation kicks in and at this precise moment i notice where he is standing in walgreens and how can i put this delicately..... hmmmm, nope no other way than to say... he is in the family planning section of the store and he is holding a family planning item in his hand. so in another area of my mind i am thinking, “wow, he most likely is not thrilled to see his sunday school teacher while he is holding this family planning item” and i am still trying to recall his name in some other recess of my mind, which is WAY on overload now.

i also must interject that when i told this story to my husband, he began to loudly question me as to WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU SPEAK TO SOMEONE IN THE DRUGSTORE? DON’T YOU KNOW NOT TO TALK TO ANYONE IN THE DRUGSTORE- THAT IS A PRIVATE PLACE AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO ADDRESS ANYONE IN THAT FACILITY! JUST GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION AND LEAVE, NO MAKING EYE CONTACT!

o.k. i had no idea of the social mores associated with the drugstore (note to self, look that up on miss manner’s website later today).

not knowing this drugstore place of secrecy rule... i continue in typical lea fashion (which means without thinking through the entire process and just trying to be nice and friendly). now he has greeted me with a “hi” (meaning by my definition that he must recognize me as well), i don’t want to just ignore him and move on and look judgmental and like i won’t talk to anyone in the family planning section. because as i am about to illustrate, i will talk to anyone, anywhere, and at any time. i just won’t always make sense.

we can now move into the really awkward part of the conversation....

lea: hi, i’m lea marshall (always give your name so they will give theirs)... i must have been your sunday school teacher. 

guy: ummm, no. do you watch “road rules” on MTV. i’m ______________ from that show and i’ve been on a bunch of the challenges.

(left blank to protect his identity, this is not the national tattler online and i don’t want to besmirch anyone’s reputation on that classy show by letting it out who was in the family planning aisle at walgreens. though i hardly think any of them would find that little indiscretion besmirching, but i am a sunday school teacher who does not condone that behavior... though i will still speak to you if you are in the family planning aisle just to show that i still love and care for you as a person, which i do).

lea: oh. yeah. 

guy: (amused) so you are a sunday school teacher AND you watch road rules? 

lea: (in a voice not quite my own) yeah, i teach a sunday school class for college students and i use things ya’ll do on the show as object lessons in class. 

(ok now i have totally insulted him by maintaining that what he does is used as fodder for our sunday school lessons. this is great and just what was meant by “what would Jesus do” which i have already failed at since i don’t think Jesus would watch MTV shows and if He did and He met someone in walgreens, Jesus would have something much better to say like at the whole woman at the well scenario. that went much better for Jesus than this whole thing is going for me. but then again as i have already established- i am not Jesus.)

guy: (somewhere between amused and offended) object lessons. great. nice to know i am helping. 

lea: (head nod, look at the family planning aid in his hand unintentionally and say in that weird voice) ummm, have a nice night. 

(NOT meaning “have a nice night because you have family planning aid”, i just meant “have a nice night because i have just really insulted you and i recognized you and i should be a much better example for sunday school teachers everywhere, but i am not and i am getting out of walgreens as soon as possible” i wonder if he got the subtle subtext and meaning in my “have a nice night”? i wonder if he knows what subtle subtext is? i wonder if on sunday he will wake up and think... “wish i knew where she taught sunday school because that is a class i would love to go to, she seems very Jesus like.” nah, i don’t think that is happening. darn, because that would have been nice.)