cause me so much misery? (which is a question that i am sure my husband asks every time he sees me).
back to the subject at hand (or in the air)... POLLEN from those azalea bushes (heck, the thing even ends in lea, you would think it would treat me kindly and as a sister). but NOOOOOOO, the pollen is everywhere and i am about to hack up a lung with the never ending (or two week long) cough fest i am currently experiencing and one of the most unfortunate side effects (other than coughing every 5.3 seconds) is that every time i cough (which is every 5.3 seconds for those of you with short term memory loss) is a bit of, well, how can i say it tactfully, there isn’t a good way, so i will just put it out there for you all reading this (my 2.3 loyal readers).... I PEE ON MYSELF. yes, if you can’t say something gently and nicely, SHOUT it out- that’s my motto. yes, three children will do that to a nice little dry underwear gal who just wanted to have a family and a house and didn’t now that an unfortunate side effect was PEEING on yourself when you coughed all because you had a nice yard in the suburbs and some pretty flowers. hmmm, pollen is yellow, pee is yellow- is there a link here somewhere?
so onto my tale of woe and misery and incontinence... last night, i was exhausted from all the coughing and PEEING on myself (that underwear changing can wear a girl out) and so i went to take a shower and then off to bed. getting into the shower i stubbed my toe on the metal part of the shower door and took off part of my toenail. yeah, that felt nice, like childbirth feels nice. like a root canal with no happy juice feels nice, like a brazalian wax might feel nice (and i would NOT know about that), like... well, you get the point.
after my shower, i had a little burst of energy (think tiny miniscule burst most likely just because i had washed off all the daily pollen and pee build up). i decided in typical headstrong lea manner, that i really could do all my nightly chores (like a good little flylady, for those of you who know that drill). i set out the breakfast dishes, started the lunch-boxes for the next day, emptied the dishwasher, put the dog in his crate, and folded the laundry from the day (i needed the clean undies for the next cough fest). just few more items checked off of my to-do list...
on the way to put the laundry away, my hand grazed the molding around the door and i scraped the skin off of two knuckles. bleeding still from the toe and now the fingers (who needs in tact extremities anyway?), i continued on and put all the laundry away. i was undaunted, i was fearless, i was coughing and peeing, but i was going to get this done come hell or high-water (which was an imminent threat with the bladder leakage).
then as i was putting adam’s t-shirts in his bottom drawer, i raised back up only to hit my head forcefully on the open highboy doors above my head, making a huge lump and these cute little stars start singing and flying around my head. at this point i sat down on the floor, had a coughing spell, peed on myself a little and decided that i needed to go to bed before i became a danger to all those around me or did myself more serious injury requiring a trip to the e.r because my mother was going to be disappointed with the status of my underwear and we all know that the only thing they care about in the e.r. is how clean a person’s undies are at that moment (and mine were certainly not going to pass the cleanliness test and in this town, that might make the news. heck, they put that squirrel attacks bicycle thing on the morning local TV news report for goodness sake).
all because of those bloomin’ flowers (bloomin’ used here ironically because they are bloomin’ and because that is kind of a curse word if you are from england, which i am not, but i went there once).
i wonder if God gave us allergies so that i could look at something beautiful that causes me misery and feel a tiny bit of what He feels when He looks at all the beautiful things that He made that cause this world such misery when they are not used according to His plan. and maybe it is to teach me when to go on and crawl into bed and not try to get my agenda accomplished before i give up and fall weeping and bleeding and peeing into bed (because that just means more laundry to do the next day). and maybe it is just the results of a fallen and sinful world that springtime in this world, a precursor of the eternal SPRING that we will have one day, would be rife with strife and coughing and peeing on oneself.
here’s to the worthy goal of ONLY peeing in the toilet today (i like to set a high standard for myself, don’t i?).