i can barely type through the tears of just thinking about their anniversary and how i will say the words “happy anniversary” to them both today without getting into the ugly cry. at least today i will have a reason for all the typos.
mom had an incredibly “awake” day yesterday and a lot of friends and family got to go in and talk to her. maybe too many- she was so worn out last night while i was there with her. but how do we hold back ALL of the people who love her and just want to see her, touch her, and tell her that they love her. how do we stop the tide from coming in? and if she is worn out by all this love, is that a bad thing? there is no instruction book of what to do in this situation. emily post doesn’t have a chapter on proper etiquette in the hospice house. and if she did, i wouldn’t read it (but mom would want me to)....
the hospice nurses are incredible. they are there for us as much as for mom (maybe more). three nurses came in and talked to me last night. each one for aver 15 minutes, just reassuring me that this was the BEST choice. that we were doing just what we needed to be doing, that she was not in any pain. they all comment on how she is the prettier patient they have ever had. certainly mom hears that and is smiling in her sleep!
dad showed me a little quote card last night when everyone came over for dinner. he caught me alone in the back hallway and said that he got this card in the mail today and thought i would like to write this quote down (i wonder if he knows that i am blogging about this, one day i hope he reads these words and knows how much we loved him during this time and how strong he was for us, and then i hope he comes over and takes me out to dinner... hint hint dad). here was the quote....
“Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or to remove it.
He came to fill it with His presence.”
{paul claudel}
Jesus has filled every minute of this last week with His presence. He was so real to me last night when i was holding mom’s hand and listening to praise music and old hymns and singing the words to her that i truly thought the ceiling of the room might open up and heaven come on down and i would have not been surprised to see an angel or two or thousand show up and sing with me (and in the mercy of God’s grace DROWN ME OUT FOR ONCE). i am sure that is what mom was praying for...
hmmm, in retrospect, perhaps that is why those nurses kept coming in. maybe they heard me singing and needed to talk to me to keep me quiet! (just a note, i was not singing that loud. it might have been the thousands of angels that alerted them to the fact that something was going on in that room)...
