the only thing good in me...

i heard this song yesterday (and immediately downloaded it from itunes). it totally summed up how i feel when anyone comments on how strong i have been through this whole journey of escorting my mother to heaven’s door. the ONLY strength that i have has come from God, in my weakness He has been strong. the ONLY way i have remained loving to my family and friends in the midst of incredible stress and tiredness was because of the love He gave me. 

in the midst of all these lovely and wonderful thoughts about heaven and God and the real things of life, the deceiver has sent into my mind lies and complaints and untruths (i just haven’t written all of them in blog entries or you all wouldn’t have read them everyday and been encouraged, you would have gone out and gotten a therapist for me) and the ONLY way that i have been able to put those thoughts out of my mind has been again the power of God, so true and so faithful and louder than the other thoughts every time. 

if i had not had EVERY need met BEFORE i even knew it was a need, would i have praised Him so quickly? was this training for a time when i can not see His mighty hand at work minute by minute, so that i will trust that He is there working on my behalf? perhaps, or perhaps this is how He has worked all my life and for a few weeks He lifted the veil a bit so that i could see more clearly His intervening in ALL things... i will never know until i reach heaven’s door myself, but i thank Him for all of this.

the ONLY way that i have been good to my friends in the past (and i do doubt their memories on my past goodness) is that God has worked through me (or adjusted their memories accordingly). i have gotten the best end of every deal, in friends, in family, and in my faith. i have no reason to ever complain (but tend to do so frequently).

i wouldn’t change anything about the last few weeks, i have totally felt in the center of God’s will at every moment. it has been an incredible journey and i know that it is not over and i hope to continue to hear His voice louder than my sorrow. i hope to find His goodness and love at the center of my being EVERY minute of EVERY day and to choose to focus on His face and His faithfulness. that is the only thing that matters, and the only thing that is good in this gal...

THE ONLY THING

by ronnie freeman

I heard someone say the other day

They'd seen in me true love displayed

Blessed by something I had done for them

No sooner had they said these words

I found myself somehow disturbed

Uneasy as I took their compliment

Cause I know the heart inside this (wo)man

I know the truth of who I am...

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

I know me well enough to know

No matter what this life may show

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

If you could walk the hallways of my heart

And see things as they really are

I wonder if you might be surprised

Seeing faded walls of pride and fear

Rooms I've filled with faithless tears

And corners where I've stood in compromise

But you'd see the work His grace has done

You'd know just how far I've come

In a thousand years

When the dust of this world clears

And I look back on my life

And see in perfect light

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

I know me well enough to know

No matter what this life may show

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.

Praise His matchless Name, may His glory increase, as mine fades to be only His....

Transient