next year i think i will homeschool...

hey debbie, pick me up some homeschool curriculum down in orlando because this week in the public schools has PUT ME OVER THE EDGE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is how i think it all went down in the teacher’s lounge a few weeks ago...

hey, other teachers, it is about to be summer time. i have a great idea for the last FULL week of school. let’s schedule EVERY concert for that week, and some additional MUST ATTEND meetings in the evenings so that lea marshall has to come back up to school every night right at dinner time. and sometimes let’s have one event at our school and one at the middle school at the VERY SAME TIME so that the marshalls have TWO events right at the same time. right at dinner time thus forcing lea marshall to serve her kids dinner at 4:30 every afternoon AND then they will all be hungry again when they get home from these events and so she has to find more food for them to eat at 8:00 every night that week.

sounds like a plan. oh, and to make it even better, let’s have a party in each classroom and for EACH special program that our precious students do at school. like speech teacher, you have one party one monday, creative academics teacher, you have your own party tuesday, patrols, how about a pizza party wednesday, reading buddies, you are on for thursday, and then regular classes, just find some time to do your huge shindigs also. 

make sure that EVERY DAY lea marshall signs up (and we all know that she will sign up, she is all about doing HER part) to send in some different food item and she may even volunteer to run the entire party and have 6 games ready to play with the 2nd grade kids and 45 chicken tenders to bring straight from publix. that will keep her busy at our school ALL day, too busy to have that 4:45 meal planned out, much less the 8:00 meal, the breakfasts and lunches for the next day AND have those items purchased from publix for the various and sundry parties, so it will be fun to see her in the grocery store at midnight.

oh and don’t forget that scrapbook she volunteered to make for a teacher who is leaving, that will be an all-nighter too.

and then we can totally make lea marshall lose her tenuous grip on reality by making that next to the last week of school a DRESS UP EVERY DAY week. with a different theme everyday, oh the joy, oh the fun as she searches for outfits in the dress up bin for her kids. oh the headaches as she explains what “decades day dress” items they have at home and yells “NO WE CANNOT GO TO GOODWILL AFTER OUR 8:00 SECOND SUPPER TONIGHT”. oh the laughter at 6:30 a.m. as the children fight over who gets to wear the suspenders for “wacky tacky day”...

now next week (if lea marshall isn’t under a full time suicide watch at the mental home already), remember that there is a 5th grade graduation event EVERYday of the early release days. she will be here for all of those because she is a parent of a 5th grader. so let’s make a 5th grade breakfast one day (but remember we are only in school 3 hours those early release days, so the event can only last 2 of those 3 hours), a 5th grade kickball game the next day, a 5th grade picnic lunch another day, and the formal graduation the other day. 

sounds great. can’t wait to see lea marshall by the end of these two weeks...

OK back to me. those teachers are vicious. they seemed so sweet and all when i met them in august...

let’s chat for a a moment about 5th grade graduation. i mean really, people... EVERY drug dealer in this country graduated from 5th grade. all it means is that maxx is now prepared to be a drug dealer. (btw, he would make a TERRIBLE drug dealer, he is way to sensitive, not a good prerequisite for drug dealing). i really don’t think we need to have 37 graduation events for a 5th grader. but that is just looney old me talking here. well, blogging here actually....

and then to top it off: SPIRIT week this week. that certainly must be short for Holy SPIRIT please use your restraining power so that lea marshall doesn’t do something crazy when she has to help her children put together a cute and clever outfit every night to fulfill the requirements of the next fun fun day at school...

monday: favorite team

tuesday: what will you be when you grow up? my children should have dressed like orderlies in a mental hospital since that is what they need to be to be able to see me everyday...

wednesday: wacky tacky

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thursday: decades

friday: school spirit

when i homeschool my children next year, do you think this is how they will dress all the time? they did have a lot of fun putting these outfits together (while i found something for them to eat at the 8:00 second supper hour). 

i have this great metaphor for the school year. it starts out as this nice little bubbling creek that you step into in august. it is hot in august and the nice little trickle of water cools you off a bit. then it gets deeper and runs a bit faster through the winter, but you are used to the water and you have some fun moments bobbing along in the current. then about may, it TURNS INTO A RAGING RIVER THAT IS OVER YOUR HEAD AND SWEEPING YOU ALONG WITH THE CURRENT AND YOU ARE GRABBING ONTO ANY BRANCH THAT YOU SEE AND TRYING TO AVOID CERTAIN DEATH ON THE ROCKS THAT BRUISE AND BLOODY YOUR BODY AS YOUR GRASP FOR BREATH AND TRY TO KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER...

yes, i think i have expressed that perfectly without going overboard at all...

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