hermit...

substitute te word "blogger" for "friend" and hopefully this will be an adequate apology...

though blogging really can be done while hermitting.... (does hermitting has two t's or just one? and do hermits care about grammar?) but i just couldn't multi-task this summer. i barely solo-tasked.  i suspect that once school is up and running and i have a more consistent schedule (or just any kind of schedule) that i will blog again. 

right now my focus is packing my girl up for school. and trying not to sob all day long. see, i am multi-tasking. 

i am REALLY multi-tasking because at the same time as wanting to sob all day long because our family will NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN, i am also so darn excited for her and all the GREAT things that i have heard about belmont and the opportunities she will have. i simply cannot believe how God has orchestrated all of these pieces and created the perfect university for her. i am able to multi-task the feeling of extreme peacefulness and gratefulness to God into my sobbing and excitement.  

see how busy i am? 

if you know millie at all, watch this little music video made by some belmont students. she reluctantly showed this to me because she knew it would make me laugh at how perfectly she was going to fit in there... 

you also get a nice view of belmont's campus through the video so you can see where she will be next year. enjoy. and if you know her then i KNOW you will enjoy the video and laugh your head off...

summer time and the livin' is lazy...

too lazy to type on the computer anyway. 

and it has rained all summer. everyday i think... 

though all it has harvested in our yard is some monster weeds that are threatening to take over our home. unless i do something about these weeds. and if i am not getting up to type on the computer, do you think i am getting out to pull weeds?

i know that this season of rain and afternoons spent on the couch with my kids, spent at the beach house with my family, spent eating late night dinner and even later night popcorn with my teenagers, not doing anything of any importance may yield something... 

hosea 6...

Come, let us return to the Lord.

He has torn us to pieces

    but He will heal us;

he has injured us

    but He will bind up our wounds...

...Let us acknowledge the Lord;

    let us press on to acknowledge Him.

As surely as the sun rises,

    He will appear;

He will come to us like the winter rains,

    like the spring rains that water the earth...

Also for you, Judah,

    a harvest is appointed...

i feel like this spring was a tearing to pieces of some things in my life in a sense and now is a season of rain... and one day a harvest? 

that is usually how God works. let me only press on to acknowledge Him...

that word "acknowledge" in the hebrew means "to know by experience".  not to hear about it and know. not to read it and know. but to LIVE IT and KNOW.

and to "press on" is to pursue it, to chase after this experienced knowledge. TO RUN AFTER these experiences that cause me to KNOW that He is loving and He is good when all the things happening are contradictory to those conclusions. what?!?!? chase after THOSE experiences? for me it is more like drag myself reluctantly (is there a hebrew word for "drag yourself reluctantly"? it would be really handy for situations that i find myself in...)

a harvest is appointed for those who press on... 

moms surviving may...

so at the beginning of may i was talking with some other moms about how ROUGH the month of may is for moms...​

and one mom mentioned that her mom always wanted to throw a "mothers surviving may" party at the end of may to celebrate their victorious survival of may. but that she was always too tired at the end of the month to throw a party.​

not to mention that no one's house comes through may unscathed. and certainly not fit for a party or human eyes.​

but that mom lived before facebook...​

so 48 hours before may ended i created a facebook event and invited every mom friend on facebook.​ i even created a little graphic for our party. 

and we had us a little "mothers surviving may" party at a local restaurant on friday night. just met there for as long as anyone could. drop in for drinks, dinner, or dessert. and toast to our survival of may.

i learned something interesting when i was subbing a few weeks ago in a middle school history class. casualties of war are not just those who died in the war... they are also those who were injured and couldn't continue to fight. those who ran away. and those captured by the enemy. 

so i know there we a lot of casualties of the month of may. there were times i wanted to run away. times i was injured. times i thought the enemy had captured me. but at the end of the month there i was having a survivors dinner...

and there were also some other survivors...​ battle worn. weary. scarred. and yet ready to lift a glass to the ending of may.

we ended up having the BEST time. an eclectic group of ragtag veterans of the MAYhem of may. proud to be alive. and happy to have a drink in our hands. or a sugary dessert on our fork...​

sometimes the best times are fairly spontaneous. just a few friends on a patio. laughing. reminiscing. enjoying each other's company. meeting new friends. and celebrating that we survived may. with a little help from our friends.​

and the funniest part of this whole story is that i called the friends that i remembered being with when i heard about the idea for the party. they remembered somebody saying that their mom wanted to throw that party. but for the life of us NONE of us could remember whose mother had originally had the idea. ​the month of may had killed our memory.

so i can't even thank the original creator of "mothers surviving may". but i know she is out there. and i toast her for coming up with the idea and even though she never was able to throw her own party, i think she would celebrate with us that we were able to pull this together and make it happen.​

and she would be THRILLED that may is over. for another year...​

expect them to do BIG things...

like graduate...​

and to pick out the coolest shoes to wear. no lie... people we didn't know came up to ask about these shoes and say that they LOVED them. ​

expect a guest post...

i have been so super lax about posting that i felt like i owed all my readers (all 5 of you) a really GREAT post...​

and i just didn't have it in me.​

so i went to an expert...​

my college roommate dina. mother of two amazing teenagers. leader of her church's youth group. putter upper with me for over 20 years. need i add more credentials?

so this week she has been hanging out at md anderson with another friend who is there for 6 weeks of treatment. and dina has been bragging about the yummy food. the lack of carpools to run. the absence of dr.'s appointments to get to. nary a bathroom to clean...​

so i gave her an assignment... to write a guest post for me. ​

and for the FIRST TIME IN HER ENTIRE LIFE she did exactly what i asked her to do. so here is my first guest post... 

what to expect when you are expecting a teenager...​ by dina clarke

Expect Cat-like Behavior

I read a blog a couple years ago that explained the progression of our offspring’s behavior like this: First your children are like dogs.  As teen they become cats.  But don’t panic, they will be dogs again.

As a mother in the midst of parenting two teens, this made complete sense to me.  I have a dog. I can leave my house for a week or go to the end of the driveway to get the mail, and my dog is so happy when I walk back in the front door.  She barks and celebrates and can’t stop jumping up on me.  She is grateful for being fed. If I am upset with her, she grovels for forgiveness and hangs her head low in submission and regret. She sits in my lap whenever I sit down. When I leave the house she wants to go with me. She just loves to be near me.

Pre-teen children are like that. 

Then they become cats.

Cats like to call the relationship shots.  They sit with you when they want to.  They ignore you… a lot.  They usually show up when they are hungry and then they seem to accept the food you feed them with an attitude of, “Of course you feed me. You have to. Don’t expect me to thank you.” They are skittish and unpredictable and they change course on a dime. You go away for the day or a week and you are greeted with a bored yawn. The best way to deal with a cat is to not overly celebrate any attention, because they tend to run away when you seem to be enjoying their company. You have to be affectionate on their terms.  Be still and they seem to be drawn to you and the attention they apparently still crave (but act like they don’t). And if you discipline your cat, expect them to pee on something or scratch the furniture in revenge.

And teenagers are like that.  Even the sweet ones.  I remember when my daughter was about to graduate from high school and she was excited and anxious and nervous and ready and not ready.  She came in one evening in tears.  I jumped up from the couch, she jumped into my arms and said, “I love you so much.  I am going to miss you next year. And I am a little scared about leaving home.  But excited too. And I don’t know why I am crying.”  We hugged. I held on and encouraged.  Sweet moment.  No lie, thirty minutes later I walked in her room to ask her something and she bristled and snapped at me.  I walked away and thought to myself, “Meow.”

Doesn’t mean we let the cats call all the shots.  It means that we still love hard and discipline hard. It means we still put out the food and keep still and let them come to us.  It means we still lavish attention when accepted and praise even when it is not. And we remember what it was like to be in between childhood and adulthood and wanting so badly to feel confident and capable.  And at the same time to just crawl in Daddy’s lap and be told everything will be okay.

It means our worth must come from our being a child of the King and not from our teens’ attention or kindness or behavior or thankfulness. It means we celebrate when we see a little dogness in the midst of a lot of catness.

And it means we pray.  A lot. And trust the One who created the whole teenage process and loves us when we are inattentive and distant and forgetful.

I googled “How to train your cat” and it yielded some surprisingly good advice for teens for deterring unwanted behavior:

 1) Find the root of the problem: Many times, your cat isn't acting out just for the sake of it, but has a reason for his unbearable behavior. Your cat could just be having trouble adjusting to a new environment or may need more love and attention. If your kitty has previously had no trouble and is suddenly acting out, try thinking of some reasons that could be causing him to act badly.

2) Change its environment: Your cat may be exhibiting frustrated or upset behavior because of a bad past experience.

3) Reinforce good behavior with rewards: This will teach your cat that good behavior has positive repercussions, and make it more likely to continue doing it on its own even when it is not rewarded every time.

But my favorite is this:

4) Deter bad behavior. Cats dislike water and high-pitched noises. Next time you catch your cat committing the offense, squirt it with water and make a sharp "psssst" sound or shake a can of pennies at the same time. Try to position yourself so that the cat doesn't see you squirting it - you want it to associate the water with the bad behavior, not with your presence. Just remember that you should spend more time rewarding your kitty for good behavior than punishing it for bad behavior.

And one day, so they tell me, the cat is going to disappear.  And become a lovable, appreciative, attentive dog again.

Until then I may invest in a water bottle and a can of pennies.  I’m kidding.  Sort of.