the God who paints beauty with time...

i am obsessed with this song by john lucas

My heart has known the winters
And my feet have known the snow
But mine eyes have seen the glory
Of a seed begin to grow

There is a time to uproot, darling
But most days just hold on tight
For there’s a time for darkness, honey
But dawn will always beat the night

Sometimes death will come calling
When you’ve been good and warned
And other times its cold hands will cradle
Dreams yet to be born

There is a time to dance on sorrow
And a time to kiss her cheek
There is a time to mourn in silence
But justice aches to hear you speak

And I don’t know the end, or tomorrow’s story
But I have found the one who gives me rest
And I will make my bed in His promises
For He holds true when nothing’s left...When nothing’s left

There is a time when laughter will echo
Through your halls of peace
But war is known to change your locks
And carry off the family keys

There is a time for healing and pain
A time for drought and a time for rain
There is a time for everything
Until we crown the risen King…Until we crown the risen King

And I don’t know the end, or tomorrow’s story
But I have found the one who gives me rest
And I will make my bed in His promises
For He holds true when nothing’s left...When nothing’s left

So crown Him in your mourning
And crown Him in your laughter
And crown Him when it all turns dark

Crown Him when you bury
And crown Him when you marry
And crown Him when your faith finds a spark

Crown Him for He’s faithful
And crown Him for He’s worthy
And crown Him for He is good

Crown Him for His promises
Cut through the blindness
Of children that have barely understood

The beauty that has come
And the beauty yet to come
And the beauty that is yours and that is mine
And that death produces life
And that we are made alive
By the King who paints beauty with time
By the King who paints beauty with time
By the King who paints beauty with time

And I don’t know the end, or tomorrow’s story
But I have found the one who gives me rest
And I will make my bed in His promises
For He holds true when nothing’s left...When nothing’s left

from Promised Land, released May 15, 2015

and so i put my name on some list to be notified if john lucas does anything and wants to tell me about it (i think i just signed up to get notifications of tours and blog updates, but i like to think me an john lucas are pals now.) and he wrote a blog post that i really loved about how to be a successful artist.

I THINK THAT THE PERSON MAKING ART THAT THEY BELIEVE IN - WHILE NOT MAKING A DIME FOR IT - IS FAR MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN THE RICH “ARTIST” SELLING HIS SOUL TO MAKE MEANINGLESS PRODUCTS THAT HE THINKS PEOPLE WANT TO BUY. 

from “the pursuit of bravery” blog by john lucas

john also told me in his blog post…

“And I also hope you keep adding to the world in the ways that make you most come alive.”

so i thought i would add this here. just so my blog isn’t so lonely. and just so i could read it from time to time and remember to add to the world in ways that make me come alive.

maybe the song hit me in all the feelings spots these last few weeks because this i have had a lot of thoughts was how UGLY this world is to me right now.

but we have this hope in ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

i taught on ezekiel’s dry bones Bible story a few weeks ago in sunday school. the last part of ezekiel’s dry bones story has this phrase repeated “THEN YOU WILL KNOW I AM THE LORD.”

ummm, they know He is the Lord, right? they knew His law. they knew HIs perfections. but this shows how the exile is going to show them fully who He is, and who they are, and they are going to know Him in a way they never knew Him before. after the exile, they will know His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy, His love more fully because of the exile.

and so will we. in time. after the exile. after the sorrow. after the sadness. AFTER.

i have wondered why after Jesus’ resurrection, does he still have the nail scars to show thomas? why does Jesus/ resurrected body have scars?

maybe because of 2 Corinthians 4:17  

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison…

God is so triumphant over evil that EVERY affliction, EVERY trial, EVERY hardship is turned into something glorious in eternity. every scar makes your eventual joy greater EVERY EARTHLY BURDAN BECOMES AN ETERNAL WEIGHT OF GLORY.

He is the God who paints beauty with time.

His artistic material is called time. ETERNITY.

we will see face to face IN ETERNITY.

we will arrive HOME in time.

HOMECOMING is the true holiday.

we remain exiles until we are in our TRUE HOME.

“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

sorrowful & always rejoicing...

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

His oath, His covenant, His blood

Support me in the whelming flood

When all around my soul gives way

He then is all my Hope and Stay

this summer. was. hard. i know it looked on fun & games on instagram with me jet setting to pittsburgh and nashville on whims (well, those were planned, but maybe they looked whimsical.) there hasn’t been anything hugely, life threateningly hard. just life. at 51. just a lot of things not working out like i had told God i wanted them to work out. i am at least “mature” enough to know that one just doesn’t TELL God how things should work out (which does show a slight bit of growth on my part.) one just holds those things in a hidden part in her heart hoping that God doesn’t notice that my plans are firmly set in a certain direction for my life. an easy. comfortable. pleasant. direction. certainly that is what is best for me, right?

but darkness has hidden His face from me in a thousand small ways this summer. and i am sure His face was there, i just was more focused on looking at what He was denying to me to look for HIs face. the whelming flood (not overwhelming, just a whelming flood) has rushed over and drowned out my little hidden plans for my comfort and convenience. and it has been hard. i think because the death of anything is hard. especially death of your own plans. cause i am a good planner. i do so love to plan.

but God is a better planner. His plans are always more than i could ask or imagine. and always more difficult and dangerous than i would have planned. and in the end, more glorious and gracious. i know that. somewhere i know that. and somewhere deep inside me i trust that. though that trust is really only because it is all i have. “Lord, to whom else could we go?” at least i answer questions like a disciple. not that they did a stellar job of understanding what was going on… and neither do i. but i do know that only Christ has the Truth that is beautiful, life giving, and enough. for me. for my days. for whatever is next.

john 6… After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

johnny piper (i feel close enough to him to give him a snazzy nickname) has a lovely sermon that has this hard and beautiful passage in it about what the world needs from the church…

What they (people) need is to see and feel indomitable joy in Jesus in the midst of suffering and sorrow. “Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.” They need to taste that these church people are not playing games here. They are not using religion as a platform for the same-old, hyped-up self-help that the world offers every day. They need the greatness and the grandeur of God over their heads like galaxies of hope. They need the unfathomable crucified and risen Christ embracing them in love with blood all over his face and hands. And they need the thousand-mile-deep rock of God’s word under their feet.

summer is usually a time of unbridled joy for me… no schedule, no early mornings, no late nights. just naps, and netlix. but i find it strangely like God to have brought these times of sorrow to me in the midst of the joy of summer. He does know that i love that power of &…

On Joy and Sorrow

Kahlil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

the one verse that i keep coming back to is one that i love because it has an & in it. and my life needs that &.

psalm 62: 11-12 One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard:

that you, O God, are strong,

& that you, O Lord, are loving.

i need the greatness and the grandeur of God over my heads like galaxies of hope. i need the unfathomable crucified and risen Christ embracing them in love with blood all over his face and hands. i need the thousand-mile-deep rock of God’s word under my feet. because all around my soul is threatening to give way. He is strong & He is loving.

i am sorrowful & i am always rejoicing. because everything sad is gong to come untrue. one. day.

the end of johnny’s sermon brings it to conclusion with my favorite chapter of the bible, romans 8.

It is no accident that Paul concluded the greatest chapter in the Bible — Romans 8 — with words that are designed pointedly to sustain your joy and my joy in the face of suffering and loss.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died — more than that, who was raised — who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in [not instead of, but in!] all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31–39)

redeeming love has been my theme & shall be till i die…

words of the year...

i needed a space to write down all the words of the year that i have chosen for the past decade. just so i have them in one place. so here it is….

(on a side note, i have conquered exactly 0% of these words.)

2006: less

john 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less.

2007: love

1 peter4:7 (the message) Everything in the world is about to be wrapped up, so take nothing for granted. Stay wide-awake in prayer. Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.

2008: little

luke 16:10 (the message) 10-13 If you’re honest in small things, you’ll be honest in big things; If you’re a crook in small things, you’ll be a crook in big things. If you’re not honest in small jobs, who will put you in charge of the store?

2009: limit

2 corinthians 13:9 (the message) We don’t just put up with our limitations; we celebrate them, and then go on to celebrate every strength, every triumph of the truth in you.

2010: listen

isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

2011: linger

psalm 91:1 Whoever dwells (lingers) in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty…

2012: laugh

proverbs 31:25b … she can laugh at the days to come.

2013: lift

isaiah 40:26 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens… Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

lamentations 2:19 Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin;

pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.

Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children,

2014: light

john 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

2015: learn

matthew 11:28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

2016: let go

“Give yourself up to His plans. Be led wherever He wills by His providence. Why should you be troubled that you can no longer drink from the aqueduct when you are led to the perennial spring itself from which its waters are derived?” {François Fénelon, Let Go}

2017: labile

“God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.” {vance havner}

2018: lap

“The more we let God take us over (dare i add to lewis by saying “LAP US” instead of “take us over”), the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. . .It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” {c.s. lewis}

2019: lean

psalm 116:1–2: i love the Lord because He hears my voice… because He bends down to listen.

He will hold me fast...

we visited christ presbyterian church in brentwood when we were there a few weekends ago. a furman grad is the pastor (scott sauls) and we have several friends that attend that church. i have visited there a dozen or so times over the past years of visiting nashville and i always love the service.

this time they sang a hymn that i had never heard before and i just fell in love with it. i can’t stop listening to it. because it resonates so deeply with me. because it is never me holding on to Christ. it is always that He holds me so tightly. that is my story. this is my song. His holding me. always.

He Will Hold Me Fast

written by Keith and Kristyn Getty

When I fear my faith will fail, Christ will hold me fast;

When the tempter would prevail, He will hold me fast.

I could never keep my hold through life's fearful path;

For my love is often cold; He must hold me fast.

He will hold me fast, He will hold me fast;

For my Saviour loves me so, He will hold me fast.

Those He saves are His delight, Christ will hold me fast;

Precious in his holy sight, He will hold me fast.

He'll not let my soul be lost; His promises shall last;

Bought by Him at such a cost, He will hold me fast.

He will hold me fast, He will hold me fast;

For my Saviour loves me so, He will hold me fast.

For my life He bled and died, Christ will hold me fast;

Justice has been satisfied; He will hold me fast.

Raised with Him to endless life, He will hold me fast

‘Till our faith is turned to sight, When He comes at last!

He will hold me fast, He will hold me fast;

For my Saviour loves me so, He will hold me fast.

a way with words

for adam’s birthday i bought us two tickets to see these two wordy icons, grant & martha (from one of our favorite radio shows/podcasts, a way with words), LIVE at TCC last night. it was excellent. and late at night for me to be out. BUT still i enjoyed every moment spent exploring the latin reasons for flower names (with martha), the reasons why i say “pen” and “pin” exactly the same (with grant), the story of martha’s father and how he dropped out of school and went to work in a textile factory at age 13 but at age 22 went back to high school, finished and became a preacher and finished seminary and taught at the college level, and then grant introducing us to new words like “butcept” and “assphixiation” (the tendency to add the word “ass” to everything. which i do. like a wiseass. butcept that is because i am shakespearean.)

but two things that keep resonating in my mind after the event are spiritual things. even though this was not a spiritual event. but as hopkins penned “Christ plays in ten thousand places.”

the first idea was from something that grant said when someone asked about a word. he asked them to use it in a sentence because words weren’t created to be by themselves. that when you see them surrounded by other words that you get their true meaning. how amazing that words are like humans. we weren’t created to live in isolation. that isn’t our truest self. in a time when all i crave is to be alone and do my own thing, that isn’t what i was created for. i was meant to be in a group. work together to make meaning. to say something. a word alone can’t really communicate much.

also it reminded me of the verse from john, “The Word became flash and dwelt amoung us.” or as the message version states, “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.” together. with us. that is when we can define (with all our limited human definitions) the meaning of Christ, from His work here with us. seems that words and THE Word do best in community with others.

another wordy and weighty topic was paralinguistic restitution: restoring to the written language sentiment. meaning, or other attributes that are easier to express in spoken language. yeah, it is a lot. but what it means is that spoken language is the REAL language and the written language is but the shadow. grant was explaining to a questioner how the internet wasn’t killing language. in fact giving it visuals (like emojis) is actually helping it expand and adding to it some of the sentiments (body language, facial expression, tone) that you get with spoken language that expounds on meaning. spoken language was & is the original language. and it communicates more and better and fills language with meaning that you just can’t get from the written word. grant says we are writing more than ever. our text feeds alone are a volume of one encyclopedia amount of writing in a year (on average.) we write & read more than ever now than at any time in history. (clearly that is true for me.) but the idea of spoken language being real language and the written being the shadow was also spiritually significant. God SPOKE the world into being. He SPOKE the Word. and the Bible is but a shadow of that real Word. words were created to be spoken. face to face. the shadow will never be enough to know the real meaning without the person speaking words and us seeing face to face the fullness of language.

who would have thought that a lecture on words would lead to moments of spiritual inspiration? well, my new little journal from the dayna lee collection at staples THAT I AM OBSESSED WITH would have thought so. because this was a page in it…

inspiration is everywhere. and even past your bedtime sometimes. if we only can stay awake to hear it…