so who here remembers last may? (heck, i don't remember what i had for breakfast this morning...)
so i will remind you of a little blog series that i did entitled and aptly represented by this faux book i made up...
i would like to revisit that topic for a moment with this teenage parenting nugget of wisdom...
EXPECT TO LOSE.
i remember people would tell me "pick your battles" when your kids are teenagers. and i did pick one battle in particular... the "NO WEARING CLOTHING WITH BAD WORDS ON IT" battle. i was going to die on that hill. and i did die on that hill. case in point...
that is millie 5 years ago. she wanted a "south butt" jacket. it was mocking "north face" and i am totally on board with mocking. i just am not a big fan of a young girl wearing clothing that says "butt." and kind of shows a graphic image of a butt. i felt like it was inappropriate. and a bit crASS. which is funny since i have no problem typing the word ASS. or saying it in most situations. just a problem with the word butt on my daughter's clothing... i am such a hypocrite.
i fought the purchase of the infamous south butt jacket tooth and nail. i prayed over this issue. i consulted wise friends. i reasoned. i promised rewards for obedience. and then her dad/my loving husband intervened and vetoed me and let her buy and wear the jacket. EVEN TO CHURCH. she wore that jacket EVERYWHERE. just to spite me.
i cannot tell you how much it irritated me. i am not a good loser. and if the musical matilda has been out already i would have been singing this song ...
which includes these fragrant and hilarious lyrics...
the smell of rebellion, the stench of revolt , the reek of insubordination, the whiff of resistance, the pong of dissent, the funk of mutiny in action...
so you can imagine my sorrow and shame when millie handed that beauty of a jacket down to her little sister this fall...
the only thing worth than losing once is losing twice. the only thing worse than dying on a hill once is being stabbed to death on top of it again. by your baby. whilst she wears a south butt jacket.
so i join with the trunchbull from matilda singing my other favorite part from "the smell of rebellion" song...
Imagine a world with no children (or in my case "teenagers".)
Close your eyes and just dream.
Imagine. Come on - try it...
The peace and the quiet...
A babbling stream...
Now imagine a woods with a cottage,
And inside that cottage we find
A dwarf called Zeke, a carnival freak,
Who can fold paper hats with his mind,
And he says, "Don’t let them steal your horses! No!"
"Don’t let them throw them away! No!"
"If you find your way through,"
"They’ll be waiting for you,"
"Singing 'neigh neigh'!"
i will not let them steal my horses. i won't let them throw them away. they will be waiting one day saying, "neigh neigh." which is kind of weird but maybe trunchbull isn't mad. maybe she is giving me a hidden instructive hint because as shakespeare said, "revenge is a dish best served cold." oh, that jacket will be waiting. i won't throw it away. i will put it somewhere safe. until they have teenage daughters. then it will reappear. and they can die on that hill. my blood has already softened the ground... i can hear the horses now... "neigh neigh," they say...