learning to kiss the waves...

 “I have learned to kiss the wave that strikes me against the Rock of Ages.”

(c. h. spurgeon)

Transient

ha. my name is not c.h. spurgeon. not even close. i read this quote today and i thought of how it isn't even CLOSE to what i feel for those waves. no one is putting this quote on my tombstone...

but everything in me knows that i should learn to kiss that wave. even though i certainly feel that i am the wreckage of those waves. i have always been one to easily bruise and man oh man, i feel the bruises of striking up against the Eternal Rock of Ages. over and over and over again.

the waves seem at time relentless. yet they always bring me to the only place that offers any hope of a relent. strange how those merciless waves take me every time to the same Merciful Rock. a Rock that is solid enough to leave marks on me after each successive collision of my flesh and Pure Stone. i am bruised and scarred by hitting up against that Rock. but as amy carmichael once wrote... 

No wound? No scar?

Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,

And piercèd are the feet that follow Me.

But thine are whole; can he have followed far

Who hast no wound or scar?

i know that one day i will kiss the waves. i pray it is not only when the battering is over. it will be easier, when the season is done, to sing praises to those unwaveringly steady onslaughts of cold water. because it is then that i will see the results of these crashing days. i will have been chiseled into something more beautiful. whatever needed sifting off of me will have been sifted. God isn't wasteful. He doesn't batter us unless it will make us better. but i know that faith means something more than seeing in hindsight. it means seeing what it unseen now.

i want to love this process more NOW. this wave filled, crashing, smashing minute. while it is still called today. i want to more peacefully, gratefully, gracefully accept the turbulent tossing onto that Rocky Shore. press in more closely to the Rock that cuts my flesh. let the waves wash away the bleeding and begin the healing process. i need to joyfully accept the brunt of this storm and all the ones that may come. laugh at the waves. laugh with the waves. just go with the flow, me and those waves floating along over to the Rock. buoyant and free.

but somedays i can't laugh. i can't kiss the waves. i spend time shaking my fist at those waves. somedays i curse them and look at other calmer seas with jealous thoughts. i walk by sight alone. nursing my wounds.

but maybe today i can hug the wave. speak nicely to the waves. call them kinder, gentler names. that will be a start. however i am not sure i am ready to kiss those waves quite yet...

psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;

from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,

 for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.

Let me dwell in your tent forever! 

Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! 

For you, O God, have heard my vows;

You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.