expect to be sorry for every time you said, "i will never..."


have you ever played the game "i never"?

i think it might be a drinking game. oh, i googled it.  yup. a drinking game. and now a board game. of course. not sure why you would need a board or a drink (wink ;) wink ;) to the baptists) to play it. 

the rules to "i never" involve everyone playing holding up five fingers (or ten. i always played with five.) then someone says something they have NEVER done. if you have done it then you put down one finger. the goal is to be the last person with a finger still standing in the game. so if you know some dirt on another person in the group then you totally wipe them out by saying, "i never made out with my best friend's boyfriend during the indiana jones movie while she was refilling the popcorn."

true story. not a flattering story. but true.

also true story... to really enjoy the game you MUST play with my friend deaver. she NEVER reads this blog so i won't even use an assumed name. it doesn't matter what you have or haven't done or what you make up in your wildest imagination... she has done it. let's say you go with something as ludicrous as "i've never snowmobiled with brad pitt while wearing a bikini." and deaver will slowly put down one finger. though she will pause for a second first and ask, "is it brad in the bikini or me?" and when you say, "what?" she will sigh and say, "oh, drat. we were both wearing bikinis. so it doesn't matter anyway." and down will come a finger. she has never in the history of womankind WON a game of "i never."


this is similar to the game you will play as the parent of a teenager. it should also be a drinking game. it would make it less painful.

this is how it is played now. or at least the way i seem to be playing it now...

imagine someone kept a list of all the things you said when you had young children that you would NEVER let them do. or things you would NEVER do when you were the all knowing, all wonderful mother of teenagers. you know there is a list. you said these things out loud. or in your head. or on the phone to your friend who also had little children. 

obviously someone kept a list for me.

i will go through a couple of the least embarrassing ones. to save my teenagers' feelings in case they read this (well, in total truth to save my feelings...)

1) i will NEVER let me kids' rooms be that messy.

2) i will NEVER let them stay out that late.

3) i will NEVER let them skip church 12 sundays in a row.

4) i will NEVER let them sleep all day. 

5) i will NEVER write a blog series about parenting teenagers because it will not make me look good.

just kidding about the last one. nothing i blog ever makes me look good. or sane.

let's just say that i lost the "i never" game pretty quickly. and am still losing it because i must have said "i never" a lot.

hey look, this nice woman still has up all five of her fingers...


it is only because she doesn't have any teenagers... yet.