art by dana tanamachi from rebekah lyons "freefall to fly"
i am reading rebekah's beautiful book... really have you ever seen such a lovely cover?
i started reading it on kindle a few months ago. then i stopped. but i have picked it up again this week because one story in it has come back to me... a story about a mother whose child had gone off to college. and the mother said something to this extent, "her life seems all in front of her. and min seems all in the past. her life is so full. and mine is so empty." i laughed when i read that line. certainly i wouldn't feel that way. i still have two children at home. the two i like. ha. just kidding millie. who am i kidding? her life is far too full to be reading this...
but that phrase must have stuck in my subconscious. and it has come back into my conscious. my plans for taking over a computer lab at the school fell through. no state money to do that. ( it also seems that my plans for taking over the world fell through. no support from the world. ha.) the substitute teaching gigs all went computerized this summer and for some reason i am not able to sign on at the right time (even though i am checking it several times a day) to catch them and so this week i only have a half day scheduled to sub. not sure that will pay for much of college life...
couple that with maxx driving and for the first time in my years as wife and mother...
the days are too long.
i drop rosie off at 9 and i don't see a child until 5:00 with cross country practices for both of them after school. last year i was transporting kids usually by 1:30 most days. but now the hours at home pile up. laundry gets done. the bathrooms are clean. dinners are made. and i am wondering what is next for me...
i haven't filled up my schedule with volunteer activities because it do need to have some kind of paying gig. and i really thought it would be easier to find something part time in the schools. or flexible like subbing.
but if there is one thing i know it is that God has a plan.
and i might need to grow some wings on the way down.