another one bites the dust...

oh, 80's songs. thank you for being so perfect. to describe my life...

this is our middle child. waving goodbye to us. after we left him at belmont university a week ago. 

i didn't take many photos. i didn't really want to. some things can't be photographed in a way that truly shows their weight. and i think taking photographs would have made the transition feel heavier than it already felt. so i snapped a few moments on my phone. and those will have to stand for perpetuity. 

it was a beautiful weekend in nashville. a hint of fall. a promise of a new season. 

belmont was just as efficient (if not more so) than when we brought millie for her freshman year. hordes of belmont tshirted co-eds lined the roadways CHEERING as we arrived. even CHANTING maxx's name (once they learned it.) they descended upon our truck and picked it cleaner than a group of hungry piranhas... then quickly climbed three flights of stairs with even the heaviest of boxes and the truck was emptied in 5 minutes flat. i have no doubts that the belmont women's volleyball team will be undefeated this year, as i saw one volleyball player carry maxx's box o' books up the three flights in some kind of stair sprint worthy of olympic glory. 

THANK GOODNESS MAXX PACKED TWO VERSIONS OF THE AENEID. you never know when you'll need to cross reference...

everything happened so fast that it is a blur. adam build shelves. and more shelves. and a little bench over some piping (maxx is in the oldest dorm at belmont. and a corner room. which is awesomely HUGE.) i made a target run with maxx and checked off items on our handy dandy college packing list app (oh yeah, there's an app for that.)

it was so comforting to see a devotional book on each student's desk to welcome them to belmont. and how about that university ministries motto...

LOVE GOD & LOVE PEOPLE

IS THIS A GREAT SCHOOL, OR WHAT?!?!?!?!?

maxx and all his boxes (brought up in less than 5 minutes flat) and his RA going over some instructions. i hope his RA (whose room is next door) isn't too jealous of maxx's hair game. this could be bad...

in the end, it all fit into 6 boxes (2 large trunks and 4 plastic bins). plus an accordion. a guitar. and a keyboard. that was it. boys are so much easier to pack for college than girls. and middle children. well, we all know how resilient and easy going we are...

we went to a professional bull riding event with nashville friends. of. course. cause our life = hilariousness. and in some ways it was a perfect metaphor for our life right now. crazy and trying to just hold on to sanity for 8 seconds and score some points.

we matriculated at the matriculation service on sunday morning. i cried when they cited these lines from amazing grace for the students...

Tis Grace hath led me safe thus far.

And Grace will lead me home. 

one more lunch out with our nashville dwellers and then it was time for us to hit the road. and leave them to the mercies of the music city.

all throughout the campus are these belmont flags that state "BELIEF IN SOMETHING GREATER." which is their motto for their 125th year. and it is what drives everything they do as a university. i truly believe that it is this Something Greater that has brought 2 of our children to belmont. we have felt this Something Greater every time we walk on campus, talk to another belmont family, or share with prospective belmont families our belmont stories. i am so grateful for belmont and the opportunities my children are having there and most importantly the Something Greater that is a part of every decision that is made for this university...

on the back of each WELCOME TO BELMONT tshirt worn by the multitude of welcome week co-eds, there was this reference ROMANS 12. so you know i had to spend a little time looking over those verses...

Romans 12 (the message)

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

I’m speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.

If you preach, just preach God’s Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.

Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

another mom who was dropping her son at vanderbilt that same weekend sent me a photo of her and her boy... and these words "it is well with my soul."

and that was exactly how i felt. it was poignant. it was difficult. but it is well with my soul. 

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” {c.s. lewis}

dear belmont university...

thank you. we brought you our firstborn beloved daughter, millie marshall, in august. and you are returning her to us a far better young woman. well, really i could stop there. but as ANYONE who knows me would tell you... i won't be stopping there. i will be excessively wordy and effusive in my praise. so hang on. it's going to be a grammatically incorrect, long, and perhaps a bumpy ride...

you made us a lot of promises when we first looked at belmont. and on our subsequent visits to your campus. then again in the summer at traditions weekend. and then once again when we handed our beloved first born to you in the fall...

and i have to say without restraint (because God know i have NO RESTRAINT in me) that you have delivered on those promises. every. single. one.

we thought you might be slightly exaggerating about the "engaged learning" stuff. but you were VERY serious. the professors are proactive about engaging the students in discussions. those promised small classes where students really get to know their professors? that is not a rumor. that is not something that happens only sometimes. that happens almost every time. millie has met with professors to talk about class, grades, how to bring up a grade (amen), or what they thought she should take the next semester. she has talked to them as she saw them on campus. or hanging out in parks. they have been real. approachable. caring. wise. funny. and kind.

i was only slightly skeptical that maybe you weren't as "academically challenging" as you thought. (i did go to furman university. my grades show that it was exceedingly academically challenging. or maybe i was just not attending EVERY class EVERY day with the best of intentions.) but in ONE year my girl has read some of the weightiest and thoughtiest (ok, not a real word so don't look it up) essays and books AND SHE HAS UNDERSTOOD THEM. she has written more than she ever thought possible. more than anyone thought was humanly possible. AND GOTTEN DARN GOOD AT IT. she has eaten, slept, and maybe even showered (?) in the library for days. only to be confused when she saw the green trees and grass upon emerging from the stacks. i think she might have spent more time with lila d. bunch than with her roommate. 

you have required her to think deeply about things. not to just choose the best answer from a multiple choice standpoint or true/false bubble in the answers. but it has been vital for her to FORMULATE, POSTULATE, and DEFEND her answers. to think critically. to think objectively. subjectively. creatively. the think carefully. because you are showing her that how she thinks matters...

she has made friends from every state in the USA. ok, not EVERY state. but a whole lot of them. from california. new jersey, ohio, pennsylvania, chicago (which i am fully aware isn't a state. but spelling illinois is hard.) she has cooked boiled peanuts for her friends because she was the only one who had ever heard of such a thing. HOW HAVE THEY LIVED?!?!? her world has grown larger than tallahassee, florida. her world has grown larger than her own needs, wants, desires. 

you said that belmont was a place where she could "explore her passions" and by golly she has fulfilled that requirement. gladly. by attending every musical concert in a 30 mile radius. (not country. pop. or anything mainstream. concerts by bands with strange names like "diarrhea planet." sigh.) many of these were "home shows" or special appearances in a record store or other venue. most were less than $10. she has heard a HUGE variety of music on and off campus. she has enjoyed lectures by donald miller (okay, she didn't LOVE those. but i loved hearing about them.) and even woke up at 6:30 IN THE MORNING to attend a lecture by one of her heroes, malcolm gladwell. and had him autograph a book for her gladwellian super fan mother. SHE EVEN ATTENDED A FEW BASKETBALL GAMES. i don't know how you managed to make that appealing to her. but you did. oh belmont, you are amazing.

she has fallen in love with philosophy. totally. freakingly. in. love. she will be taking her third philosophy class in the fall. when she came home for winter break, immediately headed for the book store, and hit up the classics section. buying books that her professor had mentioned as his favorites. WHAT?!??!!? over the break? reading unassigned classical literature? WHAT HAST THOU DONE TO HER ADLED BRAIN??!?

there seems to be a brand spankin' new appreciation for all the meals she turned her nose up here at home. she actually texts me about food that i make that she dreams about. she uses the word "caf" as an expletive. which is normal for a college student. and A TRUE VICTORY FOR MOMS WHO COOK DINNER! she finally realizes the importance of fruit in a healthy diet. i won't expound on that discovery.

now she likes to walk every where. a true "city girl" where a 20-30 minute walk is nothing. that's just a trip to grimey's record store. or to that adorable popsicle place. or jenni's ice cream. she spends time with friends laying around on blankets in parks. eats strange items from food trucks. and hasn't visited a mall in ages. shops locally. buys "used" clothing when necessary. however i will add the caveat that her bongo java tab might have clothed an entire debutant season for several socialites. but she has managed her limited funds well. (except for a little obsession with vinyl. hence all the trips to grimey's.) and lived her last month on about $25. don't you just love the end of the school year? she is ready, willing, and able to work a summer job and even secured one when she was home for winter break. all on her own initiative. and a desire to be able to procure more vinyl. 

she loves the winter. seriously, she loves layering clothes. we realized she was bound for a northern (to us) school when we visited university of florida on a SWELTERING february day and she said that she wouldn't attend a college where all her lovely sweaters would never be worn. and she has worn those sweaters. layered over thermals. and under a jacket. and under another coat. with a scarf. and hat. and gloves. and learned that blowing bubbles in negative temperatures is thrilling. and cheap entertainment.

she survived a romantic break-up mid year. and carried on valiantly. to date anew. and then anew again. it was fun to live vicariously through this new territory of being "taken out to dinner" or to the movies. the thrill of the chase. in a time when many boys don't make the effort, the belmont boys have wooed her kindly and respectfully. and we appreciate that. as parents. who aren't afraid to threaten to kill anyone who doesn't do right by our baby girl. my husband says he is more than willing to go back to prison... again.

we have totally appreciated the number of times she has complained about the SUPER DUPER STRICT dorm policies. "oh, that is so sad that you can't have guys in the dorm after 11. that is just really cramping your fun group movie watching isn't it?" (hee hee hee) she never heard the "hee hee hee" part. but it was there on our end. thank you for sticking to this belmont. and for your sound reasoning behind the rules... for their best chance at doing well. for their success. and the success of everyone around them as well.

one of the biggest changes i have just begun to realize is that she doesn't tell us everything RIGHT AWAY. she lets things have a few days to settle. she thinks about her response. she makes her own decisions. she wrestles in her mind and heart. and then she shares the experience. the thoughts. the decisions with us. which at first seemed strange. I WANT TO KNOW IT ALL NOW. but she is living HER life. living with the consequences of HER decisions. and we are certainly a part of that. and she asks for advice. or our wisdom. often. but she is working things out on her own first. she is growing up. becoming responsible. becoming an adult. i know there will be things she decides that we would have counseled her in a different way... but that is a part of sending her out into the world as her own self. that is our ultimate goal. not a little us sent into the world to do our bidding (but dang, that sounds nice sometimes.) but a unique individual created by God to to do things that we never even dreamed of... different things than we dreamed of. in different ways. her ways. and hopefully His ways. and you are helping her to begin to do that. in so many ways. 

and now finally there has been a solemn rite of passage as she has experienced a dear friend's recent diagnosis with a serious lifelong disease. she spent the night in that friend's room several times when she was nauseous from the medication and has loved that friend well. sacrificing her own needs and desires to be there when she needed to be there. she has learned to be a good friend and to love someone well. there are no greater lessons to be learned than those lessons. how to lay down your life and your plans for someone else...

so thank you belmont. for being more than we asked or imagined. for taking our little girl and in one year transforming her into someone that we are more proud of than ever... herself. older, wiser, gentler, more kind, more appreciative, disciplined, courageous, and ready to take a break for the summer and then head back once again into the breach... this time with one of her cousins in tow. the pichard family was so impressed with belmont (and her as their tour guide) that they decided on belmont also for their son! we have had nothing but high praise for y'all all year and are hoping for many more tallahassee students to be headed your way.

including another marshall! millie's brother, maxx will be a high school senior next year and she is already texting him almost weekly about the GREAT bands she is seeing and other belmont propaganda to convince him to join her up in nashville. we couldn't be happier...

sincerely,

lea marshall (and adam too, but he doesn't write long letters. someone has to work to pay for their daughter's wonderful college experiences.)

there are times...

when you actually see the words of Scripture illustrated in a photo. sent to you on your phone. in the middle of an ordinary day. case in point, this photo... 

that photo speaks a thousand words. and a thousand promises answered. oh wait, you don't see it? well, it make take a thousand words to explain it... 

here go the words... that is my daughter millie (on the right) and one of my best friends deaver (on the left) having lunch together yesterday in nashville.  simple enough. millie is in college in nashville and deaver lives in nashville, so what is so special about that photo?

well, it came after a rough 36 hours for millie (and deaver too.) millie woke up saturday morning early (like before the crack of noon. WOAH.) feeling horrible. she took her temperature (because i packed a thermometer in her "health and medicine kit", of course) and her temp was 103. she isn't studying to be a dr. but she knew that was bad. she texted me (i was at a cross country meet in georgia with maxx.) no response from her loving mom. so then she called deaver. early on a saturday morning.

deaver dressed and flew out the door and into super hero like action. picking millie up from her dorm. HAVING THE FORETHOUGHT to also take all of millie's laundry AND the sheets plus duvet cover off her bed so they might be washed as well. she took her to a CVS walk in clinic. left her there with a nurse and went to starbucks to get her a favorite drink. came back and the verdict was a sinus infection. antibiotics procured. took her home. tucked her into her daughter's bed (her middle daughter is at UT.) while millie napped, deaver washed, dried, and folded all the laundry and linens. made dinner. kept the medicines coming on schedule. millie woke feeling better but stayed there for the night to really get a good night's sleep. and to hang out with a family for a while.

then yesterday they had lunch, did a little shopping, and back to the dorms went millie. deaver even MADE HER BED. and it is a loft bed. not. easy. yoga moves are involved. up high on a loft. dangerous stuff.

deaver sent me that photo around lunchtime. and i was so grateful that i really didn't think anything beyond how great it was to have a friend in nashville that would drop everything and devote most of her weekend to caring for your daughter. and a daughter that felt so secure with a friend that she would call her early on a saturday morning because she knew she would be cared for. 

then i realized that photo was so similar to a lot of photos that i have of college girls who are not my daughter, but who i love very deeply... 

it reminded me of all the times i ate lunch with a college girl in the past 15 years here in tallahassee. all the times one (or several, or dozens) slept at my house because they were sick, scared, lonely, breaking up, or just wanted to hang out all night...

looking through my photos to find those moments with those college girls was a pleasure. everything i did with them was fun. we poured into their lives and it was never tedious. or boring. or challenging (well, the challenge trips were challenging. hence the name.) it didn't feel like GIVING. it felt like GETTING something great in return. how like God to take our meager offerings to Him, our filthy rags and to change them into something exciting. worthy. enjoyable. to make what we are giving into a gift to us AT THE VERY TIME WE ARE GIVING IT.

and then to RETURN IT LATER AND GREATER in a different form... but in a way that is so recognizable to me that i kept staring at the photo wondering why it looked so familiar. 

ecclesiastes 11:1 Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days.

it looked like some crumbs that i had thrown into the water. returning to me. after many days.  

luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

i never poured my life into those college girls because i wanted a return (face it, i don't think past 5 minutes from now. i couldn't ever have imagined that i would one day be the mother of a college girl.) i poured into them because it was exciting. they were energetic. they listened to me (sometimes.) they laughed with me. and at me. they french braided my hair. way past the age when a woman should sport french braided hair. they loved me and shared their lives with me. and i loved (and still love) them and still share lives with them. even though some of them live really far away. 

and i am still so grateful for their presence in my life. 

but today i am grateful for the presence of another older woman pouring into my daughter's life when i am over 400 miles away.  i woman i call friend. and a woman that millie will also call friend. sometimes it is more than we could ever ask or imagine...

ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

so what was i doing all summer...

besides blogging? 

nothing important. or maybe things more important. 

it was millie's last summer home. i know that she will be "home" again next summer (well, i am fairly sure.) but i also remember feeling like my "home" wasn't truly my home anymore once i entered college. my life was at college. home was a respite. relaxing. wonderful. but not where my LIFE was happening.  

so i wanted to soak up our last summer. 

iris krasnow wrote a beautiful book "surrendering to motherhood"  which i read when my children were little. but it is still valid now that they are teenagers. 

When you surrender to that fact then real balance comes, of having your soul and mind and heart in sync. Most accomplished women can go back to rebuilding careers as our kids grow up. We can never go back to the fleeting moment that constitutes our children's childhood. We only get one chance to get it right. And doing it right takes a lot of time. How we choose to spend our time is ultimately our greatest power as human beings.

i can never get her last summer at home back. and i wanted to choose to be with her. not sitting at my computer writing and editing and finding the perfect photo to sum up what i was feeling. i just wanted to feel things without thinking "i should blog about this." 

i was also doing a lot of packing. 

someone sent me this list (which was a good/bad thing. good because it is a GREAT list. bad because i am an over packer and felt like we had to have EVERYthing on that list.) 

The Most Outrageously Thorough, Ridicously Detailed College Shopping List You Will Ever See 

and so i procured almost every item on that list. and maybe some that weren't. we set up a packing room in the living room... complete with stations for different categories of items. and lists. oh, the lists... 

and if those stations where indications of where this was heading... well, even though we have a suburban it wasn't going to be enough room...

and if you don't believe that i went overboard on the packing. take this example... the kcups i purchased for her coffee/tea/chai/hot chocolate needs (her roommate has one of those kuerig one cup at a time machines.) 

truth be told... she did have a lot of bed, bath, and beyond gift cards to use for those kcup purchases. and all the different flavors looked so exciting and delicious.  

during this whole packing process (the entire summer) i went to lunch one day with my dad and i asked him about packing me for college. because I DON'T REMEMBER PACKING ANYTHING FOR COLLEGE. i thought my failing memory might be triggered whilst millie and i were packing and checking items off a list. but NOPE. not a twinge of a memory.  and i don't remember needing ANYthing or lacking for any items once at college. maybe i was on heavy drugs all that summer that wiped away my memories of packing... or maybe there was another explanation...

my dad smiled and said simply, "you didn't pack anything for college. your mom did it all for you." 

then he added, "you went to europe for a month. and hung out with your friends a lot that summer." 

i did remind him that i did have a JOB that summer too. in one of his offices. so i am sure my hours weren't the strictest.... 

so there was my answer. my mom packed everything. i do remember doing some shopping with her and her saying, "oh, this dress is just what a college girl needs!" so i did some of that with millie. during our trips to nashville and through atlanta (including TWO ikea visits. one to look and take notes and one for procurement of items.)  

i hope that millie remembers packing with me. that we checked items off of a list LIKE A BOSS. that we laughed a lot. that i never cried. though i wanted to cry a lot. that i kept reminding her EVERY time she asked me if i was sure she would make friends... if i was sure that she was going to be okay... that EVERY time i told her that she would make GREAT friends. that she was a GREAT person to be friends with. and that i KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would be better than OKAY. and that on her way to better than okay that she would have plenty of caffeine and kcups. 

she may not remember. and it may be 28 ( give or take a couple of) years from now when she is packing up someone for college that she finally understands and appreciates the summer before she left for college through a mother's eyes. i am only sad that my mom wasn't here to finally get the thank you she so richly deserves...

hermit...

substitute te word "blogger" for "friend" and hopefully this will be an adequate apology...

though blogging really can be done while hermitting.... (does hermitting has two t's or just one? and do hermits care about grammar?) but i just couldn't multi-task this summer. i barely solo-tasked.  i suspect that once school is up and running and i have a more consistent schedule (or just any kind of schedule) that i will blog again. 

right now my focus is packing my girl up for school. and trying not to sob all day long. see, i am multi-tasking. 

i am REALLY multi-tasking because at the same time as wanting to sob all day long because our family will NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN, i am also so darn excited for her and all the GREAT things that i have heard about belmont and the opportunities she will have. i simply cannot believe how God has orchestrated all of these pieces and created the perfect university for her. i am able to multi-task the feeling of extreme peacefulness and gratefulness to God into my sobbing and excitement.  

see how busy i am? 

if you know millie at all, watch this little music video made by some belmont students. she reluctantly showed this to me because she knew it would make me laugh at how perfectly she was going to fit in there... 

you also get a nice view of belmont's campus through the video so you can see where she will be next year. enjoy. and if you know her then i KNOW you will enjoy the video and laugh your head off...