many of you know that my mom suffered a very serious stroke on thursday. she is in ICU at the hospital and we wait prayerfully and not so patiently by her bedside, looking for signs of anything in her eyes.
however, i see signs of God’s Hand everywhere... here are just a few...
she saw her new granddaughter last week for the first time.
my brother and i sitting in her hospital room watching her every heartbeat and i think to myself “where are all those people who ever said to me ‘do you want to know your REAL mother’, is there anything more REAL than this moment?”
my sister rubbing lotion all over mamma’s hands while i am out in the hall on my cell phone giving updates to everyone who is calling, coming by, caring. catherine the strong one close by to give that caring touch, and me the strong one verbally on the phone to tell the news. we need both, one is not more valuable, more needed than the other. we don’t argue, we aren’t jealous, we are doing our God given jobs.
the food spills out of my fridge, all over the counters and the table. a feast for any moment, food for nourishment for my family, for my father, for the journey ahead. all from my cousins, the ones we beat in the pichard-a-thon at christmas- we laughed together then, we cry together today, we have to eat at both times.
my friends far and near who wait by their phones by their computers for news. who email back with such emotion laden words that i cry for the sheer pleasure of having known people like that in my life. i am not worthy of such friendship, and yet God whispers that i am, that He makes me worthy of that. that He has provided that for me because He knows my every need.
and in the midst of it all... i have rosie’s 9th birthday party. i do not think it is coincidental that her birth was in the middle of my grandmother’s last hospital stay. one month after her birth, we all came to tallahassee to the funeral.
it amazed me at the time that the process of life and death were so entangled. life never stops for death. there is always life going on, God’s gift of salvation promises us that there life after death, that there is heaven, and He reminds us of that on earth in this one simple way... life goes on.
life goes on...
- while you are in the hospital watching the monitors and your mother’s face for signs of life, life is going on at home as food arrived in plenty to sustain the lives there, life goes on.
- as you hold your new baby niece for the first time while her parents go in and see their mother in the hospital bed for the first time, life goes on.
- as you laugh with your siblings and dad about funny stories about your mom, and hold back the tears in the next moment as you all look over at her in that bed with tubes and wires going everywhere, life goes on.
- as you go from a birthday party with laughter and cake and gifts to a hospital room with tears and snacks and gifts that so many have brought to us, life goes on.
- as you realize that there the choices are really simple, she stays here with us, or she goes to be with her mother and father and her Heavenly Father. life does go on, not just here in our homes here, but eternally in our Heavenly Home, life goes on.
and through it all, the biggest thing i feel is that we are being HELD. held by others, held by our family, by our faith, and by His Hand.... i feel held. thank you for so many who are doing the holding.
HELD by natalie grant
Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held