it is getting harder and harder to write these entries every time i come home. i may run our of words before my sweet mother runs out of breaths. we all grow weary, yet know that this is temporary and that it will be over soon. we are doing what we need to do to conserve energy for the last stretch, a last push along this long race. at the beginning we thought is was a sprint, but now it is more like a marathon.
the dr’s are amazed at this lengthy journey. i used to think of my little mother as so frail, i have totally revised that opinion over the last 12 days. her strength amazes me, i don’t know why i am so amazed.. she did raise 4 children, 4 VERY different children who have spent 12 days in a small confined space with her and daddy and still aren’t fussing or fighting. we are hurting, helping, and hoping in a God who will open up the gates of heaven to let in one of His most precious souls.
as one friend said, “He must be doing a deep cleaning on her mansion and it is taking a while”....
she is peaceful and looks so sweet and dignified. she is surrounded by family and friends. in other words, she is dying just as she lived....
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient. Love is kind.
we love you so much God, we love her so much, we love our family and all these friends so much, please God, let us be patient and kind...
i looked up the meaning of that word “patient” in the greek and it actually means “long suffering: to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles” - a perfect word for what we are facing...
the ONLY thing keeping me sane is that God has sent the cavalry in to save me (isn’t it amazing that the word “cavalry” is so much like the word “Calvary” that He died on to save me). karen (former neighbor from atlanta AND a former hospice nurse) is here and going to hospice with me and sitting up ALL night (even if i get some sleep, she is up vigilant and nurse like) and dina (my college roommate) is here keeping all things running smoothly at my home AND my sisters house (yes, she is that good). she came 9 years ago when rosie was born to help me out then ALMOST exactly to the day of when she arrived this time. my grandmother was dying 9 years ago this time and my parents could not leave her side to come to help me with the birth and first few days of my third child’s birth... so dina came then also. i have no words for my gratitude (in fact i told dina that saying “thank you” to them was like saying “nice play” to shakespeare).
with karen at the hospital and dina at the house, i am really superfluous and am only good for using big words like superfluous. they are doing all the heavy lifting and i am gratefully letting them do it for me. i know that that they are God’s hands holding mine...